This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful

Today I had a seizure



As I stood in the empty kitchen
I began to feel someone watching
Me from behind my left shoulder.
My back was to the wall,
With only the stove behind
I was alone.
Still I turned to look.
I felt the sense but closer.
I shook my head,
The left side felt Heavy Numb.
I heard the sound of Empty
Within the Heavy Numb.
I turned again
Just me
And realised what is happening.
I must ignore this Nothing
Because I know it is Nothing.
But this Nothing has a presence.
It compresses,
Creates a vacuum.
I finished what I was doing.
I turned towards the bin
And walked in to the wall,
The bin was where it had always been
Yet I hadn’t turned that way.
It was an effort
To turn to the bin
Look that way and move to it
But I did, it was good.
Time to sit for a while.
As I left the kitchen I tripped on the rug
The corner was turned up
Which was unusual but explained
Why I tripped
Except the rug
Was in another room
Where it always has been
The corners are flat.
“I’m having a seizure.”,
“Are you sure?”
“Do I have an audience on my left shoulder?”
“I’m sure.”
Tried to make a salad.
“I don’t think you should use a knife.”
“I’m holding a spoon.”
As the blade opened my thumb
I was calm
Accepting my hubris
The bandage was on before
Too much blood escaped.
Sitting I ran the neurology obs;
Face, hands, speech, sight
Fine motor skills, coordination, balance
I will be fine.
It will pass.
This partial focal seizure.


Author: Chevron Spots

I am in my mid twenties and fighting my battles to discover who I am and where I fit in to this zany, beautiful world. I was diagnosed with Lupus in in 2008. This takes up most of my focus, as I want to share the experience of trying to live with and rise above chronic invisible illness, so to speak. I would like to stress very much the information regarding medications, medical procedures and illnesses are discussed from my point of view, and with my understanding, colloquialisms and metaphors. I do not attempt to be legally and precisely accurate for the general population, rather I try to be emotionally and descriptively true to my experiences. I hope I can help in understanding others with chronic illness by providing one more personal recount of just how spontaneous and difficult these lives really are. One day I hope to visit every continent, climb some pretty high mountains, sleep in an ice cavern, marry a wonderfully understanding man, have children and teach more children. Mostly, I just want a simple life, you know the house with a husband and kids. Oh, and no pain.

5 thoughts on “Today I had a seizure

  1. I hope that you are ok. I really like your new site and your honesty about your experience. You are very insightful, an inspiration, & a strong woman. I’m sorry you have to go through all of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am okay, thank you. Thank you also for your kind words. I feel exactly the same about your writing and so I appreciate the kind words and thoughts. As always with myself, and possibly for anyone that has learned resilience the hard way, the struggles this year from the Cerebral Vasculitis and resulting stroke-style seizures have had an impact but I haven’t let them distract me from the ‘bigger picture’ or diminish my optimism and positive outlook. If anything I have found more beauty and my appreciation of everything in this world has been renewed tenfold.


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