This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful

Twenty One Pilots

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There is something beautiful about the talent that exists in the world today and the ability to access it by typing some words on some buttons on your desktop.

In those often too frequent moments that I struggle to activate myself I search the global for art that can represent what I feel in a way that I cannot.

Twenty One Pilots are incredibly talented musically. The combination of lyrics and melody captured me from the beginning and this song has driven me further in to their creations. No one will ever make a song about SLE, it would be unfair to all the other autoimmune illnesses.

I hope you enjoy, take solace and find something here like I did. 

The lyrics are below for guidance (or in case you just can’t listen right now).

Migraine by Twenty One Pilots

Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat.
Shadows will scream that I’m alone.

I-I-I I’ve got a migraine.
And my pain will range from up, down, and sideways.
Thank God it’s Friday cause Fridays will always be better than Sundays
‘Cause Sundays are my suicide days.

I don’t know why they always seem so dismal.
Thunderstorms, clouds, snow and a slight drizzle.
Whether it’s the weather or the ledges by my bed
Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head.
Let it be said what the headache represents
It’s me defending in suspense
It’s me suspended in a defenseless test
Being tested by a ruthless examiner
That’s represented best by my depressing thoughts.
I do not have writer’s block my writer just hates the clock.
It will not let me sleep I guess I’ll sleep when I’m dead
And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head.

Am I the only one I know,
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat.
Shadows will scream that I’m alone.
But I know, we’ve made it this far, kid.

Yeah yeah yeah

I am not as fine as I seem.
Pardon, me for yelling and telling you green gardens
Are not what’s growing in my psyche, it’s a different me
A difficult beast feasting on burnt down trees.
Freeze frame, please let me paint a mental picture portrait.
Something you won’t forget, it’s all about my forehead
And how it is a door that hold’s back contents
That makes Pandora’s box contents look non-violent.
Behind my eyelids are islands of violence
My mind ship-wrecked this is the only land my mind could find
I did not know it was such a violent island
Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions.
They’re trying to eat me, blood running down their chin
And I know that I can fight, or I can let the lion win.
I begin to assemble what weapons I can find
‘Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind.

Am I the only one I know,
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat.
Shadows will scream that I’m alone.
But I know, we’ve made it this far, kid.

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone.
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it
And keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone.

And I will say that we should take a day to break away
From all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone.
And I will say that we should take a moment and hold it
And keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone.

Am I the only one I know,
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat.
Shadows will scream that I’m alone.
But I know, we’ve made it this far, kid.

Made it this far

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Author: Chevron Spots

I am in my mid twenties and fighting my battles to discover who I am and where I fit in to this zany, beautiful world. I was diagnosed with Lupus in in 2008. This takes up most of my focus, as I want to share the experience of trying to live with and rise above chronic invisible illness, so to speak. I would like to stress very much the information regarding medications, medical procedures and illnesses are discussed from my point of view, and with my understanding, colloquialisms and metaphors. I do not attempt to be legally and precisely accurate for the general population, rather I try to be emotionally and descriptively true to my experiences. I hope I can help in understanding others with chronic illness by providing one more personal recount of just how spontaneous and difficult these lives really are. One day I hope to visit every continent, climb some pretty high mountains, sleep in an ice cavern, marry a wonderfully understanding man, have children and teach more children. Mostly, I just want a simple life, you know the house with a husband and kids. Oh, and no pain.

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