This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful

Challenge to Grow

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I feel like I am on such a difficult path at the moment. I know what I want for my future and the basic idea of how I can achieve this in the short and long term. This does not make it any easier to start out.

I feel alone right now, as I do not have someone who I can directly follow in the footsteps of. I know my journey is one I must create for myself, and this scares me. Every movement and decision I make is based on what I believe will lead me on the right path. Time should not be wasted and any skill that I could acquire should be grasped by both hands and pulled in tight. I know I will make mistakes and take as many steps backwards as I will forwards in the near future. I know that I cannot avoid this or fight against it, rather I just need to trust that everything I do is with a good intention and not too harmful in the long term.

I am fortunate in my position in life that I have people close to me that have faith in me as I follow this path. They provide me with the greatest gift I need to grow and that is in the way they challenge my ideas and concepts, question my plans and proposals and offer advice and knowledge that I have not considered. I am a stubborn person. I can be foolhardy and appear to rush in to decisions or discussions with little information. I like to be challenged in order to show me what I cannot see. I need strong practical people to keep my emotions and ideas from running wild and losing focus.

I have always struggled to share my emotions with others and have been accused of being cold more than once, which has made this time even harder for me. I can only hope that those I am closest to will trust in what I do and understand that I need their support to stay focused in the future. In order to grow in the ways I need, I just hope they will be there every step of the way challenging me to the top of the mountain.


Author: Chevron Spots

I am in my mid twenties and fighting my battles to discover who I am and where I fit in to this zany, beautiful world. I was diagnosed with Lupus in in 2008. This takes up most of my focus, as I want to share the experience of trying to live with and rise above chronic invisible illness, so to speak. I would like to stress very much the information regarding medications, medical procedures and illnesses are discussed from my point of view, and with my understanding, colloquialisms and metaphors. I do not attempt to be legally and precisely accurate for the general population, rather I try to be emotionally and descriptively true to my experiences. I hope I can help in understanding others with chronic illness by providing one more personal recount of just how spontaneous and difficult these lives really are. One day I hope to visit every continent, climb some pretty high mountains, sleep in an ice cavern, marry a wonderfully understanding man, have children and teach more children. Mostly, I just want a simple life, you know the house with a husband and kids. Oh, and no pain.

One thought on “Challenge to Grow

  1. Pingback: I have an exposition of sleep come upon me | This Lupus Life

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