This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful

Primary Learning


My first thought, when I was starting the Tirisula 200hrs Course was excitement. I had a positive feeling at the prospect of learning something new. It is an amazing experience to totally immerse the mind in to a topic which is not well known before. For the totality to be complete when you enter a  full field of focus you need to devote a large amount of each day, every day so nothing will distract your attention. When I was starting I felt strong.

When I actually begun the course, within days I was overwhelmed with fear. I was afraid I had made the wrong choice to leave my job. I was afraid that my previous impression of yoga was nothing at all like the reality of the subject. I was afraid I lacked the stamina, control and focus to practice the Ashtanga series everyday to the degree of perfection required for all the poses required. I was, in truth holding myself back with fear and worrying about something which had not yet happened. With the strength of the daily practices I felt emotional.

I appreciate why at first you need to be pushed. Life is not a free ride, nor a game. You can certainly have fun this is true. But you should not expect to achieve great things, without using great effort. For me especially, I will not be content to do okay. I want to excel. I want to shoot for the stars. I know if this is where I aim, I will be one of the best. Even if I don’t make the top, I will be recognised for my determination and strength. Now we are not pushed so hard. We needed to be at first, but now when I move through Ashtanga Primary Series my poses are aligned. Yes, I could be deeper. Yes, I could be aligned even better sometimes. But for now my base has been risen so even my relaxed poses are strong. Now I have started to feel positive.

In this last week and a half we will learn more philosophy, how to instruct and how to move deeper. Yoga is about the journey, the individual and how you merge with nature. This is what I am learning. You need to know yourself, and what others know of you. You need to know nature, and how to move the state of your consciousness so you are at one with all around you. Sometimes we are pushed, but only as far as we want to be. This is how you become yoga. I feel as though I am ready to learn.

This is how I am learning the Primary Series of Ashtanga.


Author: Chevron Spots

I am in my mid twenties and fighting my battles to discover who I am and where I fit in to this zany, beautiful world. I was diagnosed with Lupus in in 2008. This takes up most of my focus, as I want to share the experience of trying to live with and rise above chronic invisible illness, so to speak. I would like to stress very much the information regarding medications, medical procedures and illnesses are discussed from my point of view, and with my understanding, colloquialisms and metaphors. I do not attempt to be legally and precisely accurate for the general population, rather I try to be emotionally and descriptively true to my experiences. I hope I can help in understanding others with chronic illness by providing one more personal recount of just how spontaneous and difficult these lives really are. One day I hope to visit every continent, climb some pretty high mountains, sleep in an ice cavern, marry a wonderfully understanding man, have children and teach more children. Mostly, I just want a simple life, you know the house with a husband and kids. Oh, and no pain.

2 thoughts on “Primary Learning

  1. Pingback: Looking through the cracks | Nitya Nata

  2. Pingback: I have an exposition of sleep come upon me | This Lupus Life

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