Recently I’ve not started to like who I see when I look at myself. I am speaking only in the metaphorical sense, as my reflection is still my own and I am okay with that.
What I don’t like is who I have allowed myself to become. I left my interior design position 18 months ago in pursuit of finding myself as a person, and focusing more on what I was doing in life. I didn’t want my occupation and place or mode of employment to define who I was as a person.
What I have come to realise is that these two things need to be linked to an extent. You need to have a job that makes you happy, as you will spend most of your life working. The second most important thing in your life is you sleep, as a large chuck of each day is also sectioned to this activity. So if your job makes you feel like a drone, and you spend most of your life in this state of inaction, then its almost as though two thirds of your life could be considered to not have been seen to their full potential.
This past year and a half I have learned patience, and how to listen and communicate well. I have learned the value of every task that people may have to do. I have seen how data entry is, to a point, somewhat monotonous, but still integral to so much of daily life and bigger operations. Mostly though, I’ve realised that I am able and comptent in most roles, but not satisfied unless my intellect is being challenged and I am interacting with others in an active and creative way.
So I have started to think about who I am , who I want to be, how I can get there and why. I know on a deep level as I did with Cinta, Courdy and Walrus, that my future is linked to Yoga. I want to be in a field that works closer with customer service and activeness. This is not to say I feel comfortable to go backwards towards a self-servicing egotistical occupation.
Honestly, if I could afford it I would go to volunteer overseas with an organisation that helps the under-priviledged. More realistically I would like to focus on bringing Yoga and Pilates to people with ailments, such as myself. Maybe I could bring awareness of overcoming adversity to young people and educating the community about the disabilities and health issues prevalent in society. The kind of illnesses which may not have the big foundation raising money or awareness, but just need to be discussed in society so sufferers have the access to knowledge and support.
These are my thoughts this week. They eat me up inside some days. Other days they give me hope and a goal to work towards. I just hope that I am strong enough to realise my potential.