This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful


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I consider myself to be both rash and rational.

Daily I find myself making rash decisions about things I can ‘improve’ in some way. This is not unusual. Every one is on the constant path of self-improvement. It is what makes us human. Most people can see their sudden ideas for impulses only and can look to the logic of whether to act on these. They can assume that most rash ideas should not be acted upon for a period of time in which they reflect on the appropriateness of the idea, and whether they will regret the decision in the future.

Luckily for me, I can see the rational side of these ideas and immediately understand whether or not I will regret them. I also have learned to regret very little in life for the simple fact that most things in life are lessons to be learned and it is much more beneficial to spend the time learning from mistakes, rather than ruing them.

Unluckily for me, I chose to act on a decent sum of my spontaneous ideas.

For instance on Tuesday last week I realised it would be nice to have long hair. Longer than shoulder length, probably much closer to the waist. So I found a hairdresser that does nice ones and booked a consultation. They told me Wednesday night that it was impossible at this point simply because I currently wear a concave diagonal bob or “The Posh Beckham Hair”. The extensions wouldn’t look natural or sit well in my hair as my hair at the back sits at the top of my neck. I should grow it out and book another consult in 6-8 months.

But now I have decided I am not happy with my hair cut. I love it and I think it suits me and I’m not tired of it. But I want long hair. when I look back on the pictures I had last year with hair just below my shoulders, I looked better than in the pictures now with my hair so short. I also looked good with darker hair. By Saturday afternoon I had accepted that I would be waiting 6-8months for long hair. By Saturday night I had found a place to sell short temporary extensions, as well as bought the dye to make my hair a dark purple brown.

My hair looks good. Even my Nanna says so. I do not regret  the change. I am glad of my rashness. It is part of who I am. And now I have a goal for the future.


Author: Chevron Spots

I am in my mid twenties and fighting my battles to discover who I am and where I fit in to this zany, beautiful world. I was diagnosed with Lupus in in 2008. This takes up most of my focus, as I want to share the experience of trying to live with and rise above chronic invisible illness, so to speak. I would like to stress very much the information regarding medications, medical procedures and illnesses are discussed from my point of view, and with my understanding, colloquialisms and metaphors. I do not attempt to be legally and precisely accurate for the general population, rather I try to be emotionally and descriptively true to my experiences. I hope I can help in understanding others with chronic illness by providing one more personal recount of just how spontaneous and difficult these lives really are. One day I hope to visit every continent, climb some pretty high mountains, sleep in an ice cavern, marry a wonderfully understanding man, have children and teach more children. Mostly, I just want a simple life, you know the house with a husband and kids. Oh, and no pain.

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