This Lupus Life

I am the dancer and Lupus is my music. I want to make it look beautiful

I’m a lady

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I’m your average young lady. I haven’t always been a lady. In fact it’s something I’ve only started trying out recently. It is actually more difficult in today’s society for a young girl to become a young lady than it is for a girl to make the change into a teenager, and then an adult.
Thankfully it seems we can lay a lot of blame on those around us. I mean, is it my fault I don’t squash down that burp during dinner at lunch? Or is it on my dad, who never stifled a burp during Sunday lunches if it could get him some applause? Is it my fault that my Saturday night best is a bottle of Pink in a little black dress with the girls for pre-drinks before stumbling down Murray in heels that are higher than my foot is long? Or is it any number of the shows I watch with the girls during the week as we plan our weekends out? Is it my fault the eff word slips out of my mouth when someone pushes me out of the way trying to get into the train in peak hour? Or the singer of that song who curses everyone who doesn’t instinctively know what she wants and getting out of her way while she does it?
This behavior should embarrass me and as I started to think why about it I found that it did. But by using the Girls-Just-Wanna-Have-Fun theory, or the You-Only-Live-Once ethos or (my personal favourite) Whatever-I’ll-Do-What-I-Want mantra, I found you can pretty much rationalise anything so that the shame can be hidden to a pint where it is only sometimes noticeable. (This rationale also made the next time easier which was great.)
It quickly became clear that the answer was simple. It was wholly and solely my fault. Who cares who introduced me to some not so flash habits. I allowed them to and what is worse is I allowed it to become accepted by imitation. And why? Because I could.
So I put my foot down. I started to say just because I could, it doesn’t mean I should. The only person it is damaging is me. Yeah it’s fun, and I have some great people who love me. What would make that better is their respect. I told a few people I saw everyday what I wanted to achieve so that I had an audience and slowly but surely I became a lady.
Of course every now and then I slip and do something not so appropriate in front of someone but then I think of my self-motivating statement and I feel more at ease.After all I-Am-Sure-That-I-Have-Made-Enough-Of-A-Positive-Impression-That-They-Will-Accept-Me-For-Me


Author: Chevron Spots

I am in my mid twenties and fighting my battles to discover who I am and where I fit in to this zany, beautiful world. I was diagnosed with Lupus in in 2008. This takes up most of my focus, as I want to share the experience of trying to live with and rise above chronic invisible illness, so to speak. I would like to stress very much the information regarding medications, medical procedures and illnesses are discussed from my point of view, and with my understanding, colloquialisms and metaphors. I do not attempt to be legally and precisely accurate for the general population, rather I try to be emotionally and descriptively true to my experiences. I hope I can help in understanding others with chronic illness by providing one more personal recount of just how spontaneous and difficult these lives really are. One day I hope to visit every continent, climb some pretty high mountains, sleep in an ice cavern, marry a wonderfully understanding man, have children and teach more children. Mostly, I just want a simple life, you know the house with a husband and kids. Oh, and no pain.

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